Buddy, if what you are saying had anything to do with the slide you have up, I wouldn’t be looking at you like you had two heads.
Do I have to sit through this meeting? Really? REALLY? *Sigh…takes out iPhone, starts aggressively texting and checking fantasy football team*
After meeting online with a particularly rude and demanding customer, I started venting to a colleague about how much of an a-hole this guy was. Of course the audio was still rolling and he heard every word. #meetingfail
Hey dumbass, put your phone on mute if you’re going to sing lullabies to your kid before night-night. The rest of us are trying to decipher Niles’s horrific British accent.
I once made the mistake of grabbing lunch at Taco Bell before a 2pm meeting with my long-winded boss. Never again.
This webinar is boring me to death. I’m only participating because my manager thought it was going to be beneficial. Apparently not so beneficial enough for him to be on it.
If I can hear you clacking away on your keyboard typing an email, don’t bullshit me and say you are paying attention to our call.
Isn’t this the same meeting we had last week? Shoot me.
Does he always spit like that when he speaks?
If you’re going to host an online meeting, make sure you close the IM from your wife that asks why you came home at 3am last night. Come to think of it, why did you get home at 3am? Based on your presentation, you clearly weren’t working…
FFS, keep it to one idea per slide!
Please eat before going into a long meeting. Nobody needs to hear that fucking rancor raging in your gut during the awkward quiet moments.
Get this: I once had a sales rep boot up his computer and when it came on, it showed the porn that he had been watching the night before. The rep grabbed his computer, walked out of the room and then came back five minutes later. I give him credit for not walking out the door for good. I was pretty sure that would never happen to him again after that, thus firing not necessary.
There’s a HUGE difference between “The rapist” and “Therapist.” How did you not check your big presentation for typos?!
You know it was a long frickin’ meeting when the boss’s dog–whom the boss brought to work–shit herself before it was over.
Never pull up skype to talk shit about the person you’re meeting with while sharing your screen with said person. And if you do, don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
EastCoasters: Cut it out with the 7am PT meetings and then rescheduling/canceling at the last minute. New rule: anyone who does that will be forced to wake up at 5am ET and go without coffee for one week.
Check your fly, presenter. Check your fly.
Don’t tell me you are taking notes on your smartphone when you are really checking f’ing email.
Never hold a meeting in San Antonio after 3pm in the summer. Ever.
Do you just like the sound of your voice? Is that why we are having this meeting?
Never invite the marketing director to a meeting if you’re just going to gang up on her saying what a stupid idea she’s pitching. The fact is, it wasn’t stupid, and as a marketer it was the right idea. But since they are a bunch of old hacks who don’t know shit about the real world, of course it was “stupid.”
In her first senior management meeting today, our new general councel fell asleep sitting right next to our CEO. Fail!